Don't forget: I love you.

Verbal fun.
I made a batch of blueberry fiber one maffs. A big kitten is a cat, these big muffins are maffs. Chock full of protein powder. Weighty. The Hebrew word "glory" is derived from the root meaning to weigh a lot. These maffs are glorious!

Why I'm blogging today
As a lay down for my afternoon pain management meditation (sometimes called "nap"), I was busy counting out my meds, complicated at this point in the day, charting them on my laptop---when I heard the internet music that was going in the background: the chorus of "Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us."

It goes, "Blessed Jesus! Blessed Jesus!..."

That brought tears to my eyes. I stopped what I was doing and let in a memory. A memory of hope and gratitude.

I was in grad seminary Hebrew, dying inside. I had never experienced a full blown clinical depression as an adult before.

I didn't know that you find a medication specialist,

• a doc who sees lots of people taking anti-depressants, not just one or two a week, but one or two an hour. So the doc knows what she/he is doing. These meds are so powerful and need fine tuning for each patient
• a doc who likes you and sees you as a real human being, not just a case
• a doc whom you trust, and can talk to.

Then you follow their instructions to the letter. No exceptions.

I didn't know that clinical depression (the major kind like I was going through) is about brain chemistry, not about will power or sin.

So there I was, buried under the sub sub basement, emotionally. Virtually immoilized.

I remember sitting in a chair, all alone, literally unable to move.

And I heard (in my heart) the words "Blessed Jesus! Blessed Jesus!..."

Could not have told you what they came from, or any more words that went along with them. Just those words:

"Blessed Jesus! Blessed Jesus!"

That day God whispered to my bludgeoned spirit, God lifted a soft light to my darkened soul. And got me through.

Since then, I've learned a lot about depression. So many people struggle with it, when they could free their energy for good stuff by getting the right kind of medical help.

I just thank God for saying "I love you!" right when I needed God most. And for saying "I love you, remember!" today.

Nothing can separate us from the love of God.